Where do I get to practice being real?
We're creating a space to come alive
This piece is an introduction to the ideas I’ll explore at Find Your Voice, a two-day workshop in New York on Nov 15–16.
I think one of the hardest things to practice is being human.
We talk often about change, about wanting to show up differently, communicate more honestly, or relate to others with greater ease. But most of the time, when those moments arrive, we find ourselves returning to what’s familiar.
We speak in the same tone that’s worked before. We rely on the gestures that keep things smooth. We default to the version of ourselves that gets through.
It’s hard to change from the way we have always been.
If we try to do it alone, it doesn’t feel real.
We can’t simulate the friction, the surprise, or the contact of having another person in front of us.
And if we try to do it in real life — at work, with a partner, in conflict — the stakes are too high.
So we stay caught in the way we have always been, even though we want to try something different.
The safety of the known
Familiar patterns keep us safe. They are the strategies we built early on to manage uncertainty, to belong, to avoid rejection. They may no longer serve who we are becoming, but they continue to serve a purpose: they keep life predictable.
And predictability can feel a lot like control.
The irony is that the more practiced we become at managing how we appear, the less alive we often feel inside it. Our expression becomes consistent but feels empty, missing the spark that comes from surprising ourselves.
The missing rehearsal
We need environments where it’s possible to experiment with new ways of being.
Low-stakes places to try things and not be afraid of mistakes or failure. To say what we mean without fear of consequence.
Real growth happens in the practice. We find our edge in the uncertain process of trying something new and seeing how it lands.
Our culture rarely allows for that. Most spaces are performative, professional, curated, and optimized.
The edge of real connection
Being human, in its truest form, involves risk. The risk of being misunderstood, not meeting expectations, or revealing what we actually want. But those are the same risks that make connection possible.
Without them, we end up in polite, professional exchanges that look harmonious but feel empty. We smooth the edges of truth until nothing real can touch us.
I think the deeper question isn’t “How do I communicate better?” but “Where do I get to practice being real?”
You can practice being real in New York, on Nov 15–16 at Find Your Voice.
This marks the beginning of a series of workshops I’ll be running. In 2026, I’ll be announcing new dates and cities for Find Your Voice and Find Your Center.
Love this!